Security in God

Just this morning, we visited a good beach here in Capiz and when Ichi saw the vast water around her, she was so excited that she ran towards the sea right after we jumped off the car.

While I was taking photos of her enjoying the beach, I realized that she had really grown up. A few months ago when we visited Boracay and Samal, she was so afraid of the sea. But early this morning I saw her conquer her fear. She was observing a group of kids that were having fun on a big salbabida, maybe Ichi wants to check why the kids are having fun. She walked towards the kids even though the water was up to her waist. I didn't stopped her, I just let her go. I interrupted the moment when a high wave was about to come towards her.

As a parent, it was an achievement for me to see my kid facing her fears and conquers it. I was in awe when she was running through the waters and feasting herself under the heat of the sun, while I was following her and again "letting her go."

It came to my mind that time will come that I will eventually let her go. Please don't think that I am thinking about marriage. NO. I was thinking about the things that she will have to face by herself in the future. Good friends, Bullies. Peer pressure. Insecurities. Many issues that kids now a days face without parents knowing about it.

I felt a small pinch of fear in my heart. Ichi is just a cute, sweet, bubbly, little girl in my eyes and will always be; but the world that she's in is huge - like an ocean. I cannot be by her side all the times of her life, I will surely grow old and my hands might be too shaky that I will not be able to take photos of her special moments.

I think the hardest part of being a parent are those moments of giving their child the freedom that they need, inch by inch until that moment that finally you need to let go of that last grip that you've been holding on since the day the child was born.

I uttered a short prayer after I was able to ingest my thought. Here it goes.

Dear Lord, this world is like an ocean. It is huge, and Ichi is so small. May she not follow the waves nor the tides of this world just trying to fit in. But I pray Lord, that may she use Your Word as her sail so that she may have a direction and I pray that may this direction will always be towards You.

-I have ended my worrying into prayer. I will not be with Ichi all her life but it gives me comfort and security knowing that I can entrust her to our Living God.

 

The Love I was looking for. (My Valentine Post)

The love I was looking for.

Disclaimer: This is not a love story.

I have a home, but I feel homeless.

I have a family, but I feel like I’m an orphan.

I have a boyfriend, but I feel loveless.

My life has no direction. My life seems like no purpose at all.

I am LOST.

Two years ago, in the month of January, I found out that I was three months pregnant, jobless, sick of taking care of my ill mother, and my six years relationship with my boyfriend was about to end.

Nothing’s going right according to what I have planned.

It was late in the evening of February 11, 2011, I found myself kneeling on the floor meditating about hoe Jesus Christ suffered until he died on the cross at Calvary.He was crowned with thorns that caused his head to bleed so much; his flesh was stripped for so many times due to the scourging at the pillar; walked for a very long distance while carrying a very huge and heavy cross while the people around Him who He calls “His children” were mocking Him and spat on him; then was crucified on the cross…

Those pain and suffering I cannot bear, the situation I can’t even think would happen. But it did, all because of me, because of you, because of us. So that our sins might be forgiven.

Then I saw a vision. I was in a small room, looks like a jail room with ony a very small window as the source of light. A man was sitting on a solid throne right below the small window. The man was wearing a very white robe, I cannot see his face because of the bright light coming from the window. At the feet of the man I saw a little girl, about 6 years old. The man touched the top of the head of the girl and told her “Anak, hindi ko kailangan yung talino mo, yung talent mo, yung galing mo…Ang kailangan ko lang yung puso mo, yung buong puso mo. I want you to come to me like a child, innocent and humble“. (Child, I don’t need your intellect, your talents ansd skills, all I want is your heart, your whole heart.)

I cannot stop my mouth from confessing and my tears from falling. I was struck in awe of God. Oh that love, the love I was looking for all my life. That kind of love that expects nothing in return. The unchanging love, the love that pursues me.

When I saw that vision, my heart was filled with joy that no amount of flowers and chocolates can fill.

I found God’s love for me…and everything in my life was never the same again.

I have found my home in the arms of God.

I found the love at the cross where Christ had died.

I was lost all my life, but God found me and He’ll never let me go.

This is not a love story; this is the story of my conversion

This is a story of how God showed me His love for me.

Thank You Tatay, for using Valentines Day to remind me of Your love for me. I don’t need any flowers, chocolates, or even a special date, because your love is sufficient to fill my heart with genuine joy that no people or gift can give.

Happy Valentines Day everyone! God bless you!

Some says that today is Single Awareness Day (S.A.D) but for me it is God’s Love Awareness Day (G.L.A.D). – Ate Jean Galang